Obnoxious: odiously or disgustingly objectionable: highly offensive

As I stepped on the subway Tuesday evening, I was happy to find plenty of open seats. As I took one, I noticed the young woman sitting across from me intently applying make-up. Staring into her compact mirror, she repeatedly dabbed her brush in powder, then blew the excess powder off the brush, while I watched a lovely little cloud of powder drift toward me. I thought how tacky it is to apply make-up in public. I thought how humid it was to be applying make-up. I thought how shiny my own face must be due to said humidity. As the clouds continued billowing toward me, I thought all sorts of things. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the man to my right look at the make-up process, then roll his eyes and shake his head.

As she continued working on her face, her brush knocked a chunk of make-up out of the compact and onto the floor. I thought about the mess that would inevitably make. And then she surprised me: she bent over to pick the make-up of the floor. I thought how I had misjudged her. Obviously she was considerate enough not to leave a mess. She then put the make-up she’d picked up back into her compact, then continued to dab her brush in it, blow the excess off, and apply it to her face. I thought I might throw up.

People had been getting on and off the train, and at this point it was a little more crowded. As another cloud wafted my way, I looked to the left and saw two women standing up, mesmerized and appalled by my make-up-applying friend. We shared a smirk and a headshake. When the next cloud formed, I looked toward them again, and we shared another moment. Shortly after, the young woman closed her compact, put it in her bag, and got off at the next stop. And I thought that was the end of this amusing little scene.

Just after she exited the train, the young man to my left began talking.

Him: You really shouldn’t laugh at strangers.
(I turned and confirmed he was talking to me.)
Me: I never laughed out loud. I kept it inside.
Him: It was pretty obvious.
Me: She picked up make-up from the floor of the subway
and put it on her face!
Him: It was pretty obnoxious.
Me: Wait . . . I’m obnoxious??!!!!

I had erroneously assumed until this point that he was being sarcastic.

Him: Yes, you were being really obnoxious.
Me: Well, I found it obnoxious that she was blowing make-up on everyone around her. That was the reason I noticed her in the first place.
Him: You don’t know her. You were obviously looking around trying to find people to make fun of her with. It was obnoxious.
Me: Well, you’re entitled to your opinion.
Him: It was obnoxious to laugh like that.
Me: I guess this is kind of circular. You thought I was obnoxious. I thought she was obnoxious. I wonder who she thinks is obnoxious.
Him: It’s obnoxious to laugh at strangers like that.

And I finally got smart enough to turn away from him and remain silent until my stop. Now that I’ve had a couple days to reflect, I can say with certainty that at least one person on that train was most definitely obnoxious. And I feel pretty certain that it wasn’t me.